The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Even my vagina gasped.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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