YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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