So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
