I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
