This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
