so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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