Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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