Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
