If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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