So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
