I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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