you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
