well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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