If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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