i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
