when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
