No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize