This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
