i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
