I am in a vortex of obligation.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
