This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
