The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
