u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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