I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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