Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What a dumb baby whore.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
