A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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