wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
