It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Someone came in the potted fern
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
