Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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