why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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