Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
