I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
