I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
