Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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