her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
