Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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