i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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