I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
