During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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