I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My vagina just clenched in fear
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
