Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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