Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
