How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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