She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
