if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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