guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
