I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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