Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
