Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
