It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
