But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
