hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
