this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
