I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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