Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Are these your boobs on my camera?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
