Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
