Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
