i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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