my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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