ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
