so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
