he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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