there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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