remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
