sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
