today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
