Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
