ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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