Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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