i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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