He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
