My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize