so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
