And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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