Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
