I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize