You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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