Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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