I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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